realization

i'm at a realization that i have too much clutter.

Material clutter- too much stuff in my home that is not necessary.
Spiritual clutter- too much stuff in my spirit that i'm not releasing to God.
Brain clutter- too much distractions, not enough focus on the important.

As i sat in my basement and sorted through the material clutter i read journals and old essays i've written in college and even high school. Yes, i'm still hanging on to papers i've written since high school.

While reading I was inspired by the determined youth i was. I had so much passion and vigor for life. Nothing stood in the way of my aspirations and dreams. And if something did, I would dust off, get up, and keep going.

I learned I was a great writer. I was bold. I didn't hold back. Where did that youthful vigor go? Why as I've gotten older does it seem I'm more reserved or am I? In a lot of ways I have gained freedom from the knowledge of my youth and in other ways that same knowledge has built walls in my soul. I proceed with more caution. Is it the experiences that have told me over the years to slow and yield? Where as a youth all experiences were new and I dove in freely.

I need balance. I need to let down walls I've built. Take out the clutter so I can see the God stirrings of my soul. So I can hear his spirit guiding within me. Wanting to burst out. For my soul to burst forth to the glory of it's makers purpose.