Taste and see...

We do things for a purpose. We do the things we do to fill a need. But what do I really need? All I really need is my creator. Yet I have a tendancy to fill voids in my life with everything else but Him. I allow my self to become busy with the things I've made important in my life. Like I know what is best. I must insult my maker when I don't stop to listen to His sweet whispers, gently guiding me in the direction He wants me to go.

So I continue to fill voids artificially, unnaturally. Eating is a great example. We eat to fulfill a physical hunger. But how many times do I want to eat, not because I'm hungry but because I'm stressed, discouraged, complacent, etc. Food can be a great comfort. But it doesn't last and it's not always satisfying. I can try to stuff myself with a chocolate cake but in the end I don't feel very good after eating and I'm definitely not satisfied. I almost feel that the more I feed my cravings for junk the more I want more of that junk. So it goes with my soul... the more junk in the more junk out. But when I get just a taste of what the Lord has for me, oh boy, do I want more!

Open your mouth and taste, open your eyes and see—
how good God is.
Blessed are you who run to him. (Psalm 34:8, The Message)

weight loss progress & more

Yipee!

As of last week Wednesday I reached the 1st major milestone.

I lost 5% of my starting weight... which happens to be 10lbs.

Here are the stats...

The key for me is persistence and taking it one slow step at a time.

I have an app on my iphone which makes tracking very easy and convenient though i wouldn't say the entire process has been easy. I definitely need to use lots of self-discipline. I do love food and I'm learning to appreciate more of the foods I think God provided for us like fruits and vegetables. It's like fruits are God's candy to me. I still get to have foods i love like ice cream, but everything is in moderation.

And it all comes back full circle... moderation in my life. Limiting and getting rid of the junk. Sifting through the things I really don't need. For my treasure is in heaven. I hold a loose grip on food and the stuff of the world. I am NOT controlled by it. What freedom! I continue on day by day and thank the Lord for the strength I have through Him. I thank Him for His grace. For His grace that is sufficient for me! He is my God who supplies all my needs according to His riches and glory!

Thank you Jesus. I'm in humble adoration of how much you love me and care for me. You are all I really need. Thank you for teaching me and guiding me and loving me. I'm honored to be a part of your creation and I want my life to reflect your glory.

Soul stirring still exists...

Since I last blogged my life has been filled with some big changes and life transitions. One of those big changes is the birth of our third child on June 7th, 2010, Misha Kay Kuuipo Spain.

I still feel a heaviness on my heart to get rid of "stuff". I'm constantly reminded that the more time I spend on managing material things the less time I have dedicated to the things of the heart, the important things like my family and friends, the things that matter to my heavenly father.

One area I feel a sense of importance is maintaining a healthy lifestyle. I feel that when I'm at a healthy place physically and emotionally I'm able to better care for and love those around me. So one of the things I'm focusing on getting rid of is my extra weight. Yesterday was my first week of doing weight watchers. I'm excited for this new committment for so many reasons i must list in order to attempt to contain it all:

• Two of my good friends are in it with me
• Learning to make better food choices
• Being a better stewart of the body God has given me
• Having the opportunity to encourage and motivate others through this
• Moving toward a healthier body and getting rid of carrying extra weight
• Learning moderation vs giving into impulse (discipline)

That last one is what I feel i need. I need moderation, i need less. Less of me and the more of the me that God wants me to be. I want to be refined, so that my body and my way of living gives glory to my maker who loves me and takes care of me. I want a simpler life with less distractions and more quiteness and awareness of God's holy spirit around me.

So with this new jump start into weight watchers I'm hoping to revive this blog I started. I'll be documenting what I'm learning and what's stirring in my soul as I lose some extra weight along the way.

the purge

the purge continues....

I've been working on cleaning out our basement every chance I get, in between the boys naps and late nights. I just did a huge chunk tonight. It can be so overwhelming. So much stuff! Too much stuff!

Made me think again how much stuff I have in my heart and soul that need purging. Stuff I haven't even uncovered. Stuff I shoved away in a corner so I don't have to deal with it. Just like cleaning out the basement I'm continually surprised when i unpack boxes and go through things how much i have shoved away.

Help me Lord to get rid of more of the physical possessions I've held on to that are only destroyed by moth and dust. Give me wisdom to toss what needs to be tossed, to pass on the things others can use, and to sell what we can and use that money toward the non-material things that please you.

I pray the same of my heart. Help me to let go, open up, and release the dusty, dark, areas of my heart that you would fill me with more of your light. Thank you Jesus! Amen!

realization

i'm at a realization that i have too much clutter.

Material clutter- too much stuff in my home that is not necessary.
Spiritual clutter- too much stuff in my spirit that i'm not releasing to God.
Brain clutter- too much distractions, not enough focus on the important.

As i sat in my basement and sorted through the material clutter i read journals and old essays i've written in college and even high school. Yes, i'm still hanging on to papers i've written since high school.

While reading I was inspired by the determined youth i was. I had so much passion and vigor for life. Nothing stood in the way of my aspirations and dreams. And if something did, I would dust off, get up, and keep going.

I learned I was a great writer. I was bold. I didn't hold back. Where did that youthful vigor go? Why as I've gotten older does it seem I'm more reserved or am I? In a lot of ways I have gained freedom from the knowledge of my youth and in other ways that same knowledge has built walls in my soul. I proceed with more caution. Is it the experiences that have told me over the years to slow and yield? Where as a youth all experiences were new and I dove in freely.

I need balance. I need to let down walls I've built. Take out the clutter so I can see the God stirrings of my soul. So I can hear his spirit guiding within me. Wanting to burst out. For my soul to burst forth to the glory of it's makers purpose.

the start

It's 1:24am on a wednesday and i take the plunge to start a new blog.

My soul has been stirring within me... yearning to search, find, and nurture the person God designed me to be. God has breathed into my soul since before I existed. I am His. And I journey on to discover the deeper parts of who He has created me to be.

I fear. Yet I trust in an all knowing God. I am His. The more I let go of me, the more I learn about the me in Him.

Holy Spirit be my guide.
Awaken me.
Stir me.